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Jay Edwards: Not so newlywed games

Jay Edwards: Not so newlywed games

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I think the question should have been, “What is one thing about your husband that drives you crazy?” I know what most of you ladies are thinking, “Just one?”

It doesn’t really matter how the question was phrased, the point is it was loaded with potential disaster and was asked at my wife, KM’s, family reunion recently.

Peggy, the sister from Atlanta who possesses more than her fair share of outgoing personality, was designated the creator of games and entertainment. The first event was a beanbag toss into the mouth of a hog – more specifically, a Razorback. The most common name for it is Corn hole.

Spouses were paired up for the competition. KM and I won our first match, but lost in the semis, putting the hosts, Bob and Lisa, against John and Don (who are actually brothers, not spouses, although they were called much worse by everyone during the heat of battle). When the smoke cleared, it was, in fact, those non-spouse brothers who had come out on top.

Next, we thankfully moved from the heat to inside, where it was time for round two. This was a game of questions made up by Peggy about things only people who had been brought up, as one of the 10 siblings, could possibly know.

KM, the youngest, was born in the last weeks of December 1956, and I wasn’t introduced to everyone until the summer of ’75, so I didn’t have much hope in getting any right answers. Therefore I focused on sarcasm, which would win me a dollar for, as Peggy announced, having the most creative answers. The eventual winner of this game was in fact KM, nicknamed “Precious,” for family functions such as this.

Then it was time for the third and last game, called something like, “How well do you really know the person you are married to?” A better name would have been “Guys, get ready to be murdered later tonight in you sleep.”

The girls were the first to leave the room while the boys answered questions. This would be a cinch, or so I thought.

First question. “What is your wife’s favorite food?” (Tough start, I said coconut cream pie, but KM would later answer spaghetti. We were already behind)

2. “What is your wife’s favorite movie?” (Not sure I would have known this either but just before the women left the room KM whispered “To Kill a Mockingbird,” so either she brilliantly assumed this would be a question, or she cheated by sneaking a peek beforehand, which I’m all for, of course)

3. “What did you do on your first date?” (I nailed it—we saw “Shampoo,” at the wonderful old Heights Theater).

4. Name something less than honest you know your wife has done. (See answer number two above)

When it was the guy’s turn to leave the room, our team was in the middle of the pack and needed to get every one right to have any chance. I tried peeking through the window (making KM proud) but got caught and scolded by the more honest ones in the group.

We came back in and were asked pretty much the same questions with a few different ones thrown in, like – “What is your favorite part of your husband’s anatomy?” KM said, “his legs.” Let’s just say we were 0 for 1 after that.

Next they asked, “If you could get rid of anything that your husband owns what would it be?” I thought I might know, but after thinking a bit came up with a whole list of things and began stalling. Finally pressured to give an answer, I blurted out, “My golf clubs!” That was not her answer, which was a relief. No, her answer was – “Your white bucks.”

Oh the humanity.


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